Essay: My Son's Life Isn't A Sin

When I was pregnant with him, he was referred to as a “sin” so many times. Sure, “they were referring to sex outside of marriage as a sin,” but the product of sin is brokenness & Kahlil is anything BUT broken.

To speak such un-love over his life before he was even born is unnecessary & false.

His life isn’t a sin.
He isn’t a
He is a pure gift from the Divine.

I receive a lot of DMs along the lines of: “How do you work through the shame of being pregnant out of marriage? How do you deal w/ the shame from Church Community & Family?”

I no longer carry shame for being a single mom or getting pregnant out of wedlock.

But 3 years ago in the midst of pandemic, I was hiding away in a small basement cloaked in shame, fear, & loneliness.

People who were excited/supportive still had questions & comments that probed my shame-wound.

Religious trauma RUNS DEEP & is one of the most difficult trauma-journeys to undo & work thru.

Here’s what I say to women who are where I was at, wanting to break the chains of shame:

✔️You don’t owe anyone information: if you’re too tender to share or talk about a situation, don’t. You’re allowed to say you don’t want to talk about it, you’re allowed to keep your pregnancy to yourself while you process.

✔️Find one truly non-judgmental person (might be a therapist, coach, friend) who you can share all the feelings with, grief, shame thoughts & ask them to speak Truth of Grace & Life over you.

📝Ask yourself & journal:

✏️Am I ashamed because of my own conviction OR because of ppl placing their judgement/convictions on me?

✏️Am I ashamed because I’ve been taught to be ashamed, or because Jesus really is shaming me?

✏️Is it Jesus or “his people” who are causing you & your baby to be second-class / unholy?

✏️Is it ultimately true that being a single mom is The Worst Thing Ever for a child?

✏️Are you ready to take your mental/emotional healing to the next level? This likely means shifting relationships, especially within Church.

🖤If you’ve been in this position & have encouragement to share for someone silent on the sidelines, do so in the comments.

May my life be a resounding gong of love & healing.