I miss that

I will be so fulfilled & at peace & content with living extremely single … and then either out of the blue or something triggers my desire to be fully known & also held intimately by a partner.

I miss having someone to watch movies & shows with after the kids go down.

I miss someone else filling my stocking (or it being filled at all).

I miss planning the week with someone, or even just simply talking about my day with someone as if they care 😅

I miss being held, when I want to cry or just exist next to someone.

When I get in these sad spots where I’m fantasizing either the past or some unpredictable future, I have a number of ways to bring myself back to reality without judging or shaming myself.

✨ I typically text a friend & say “I’m missing so-and-so, so I’m texting you.” Or “I just wish I had someone to watch a movie with.” There is one friend in particular I feel understands me & feels safe.

✨I am pretty known & seen, actually: by one to two friends. Only because I have allowed myself to be and also because they’ve proven themselves to be safe for me. And even tho it isn’t the same as having an intimate partner, it IS a gift to be known & seen.

✨Being content & at peace with being single is really, really healthy.

✨ I remind myself nobody can choose me like I can choose me. And that’s simply reality. That doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t have the capacity to choose me & go thru the work it would take to actually know me…but 👇🏼

✨ reality is… I can’t foresee a time soon that I might allow myself to be known & seen by an intimate partner.

When I sit back and really remember how much work that would take for both of us, I have a lot of extremely important things I’d rather focus on currently. My kids. My businesses. Me. 😅

✨ It’s okay to miss things. If I rush into something for the sake of merely missing physical touch (which I could seek out casually but don’t tend to) and the idea of potentially being seen/known… I may end up lonelier than I am now.

And that is the truth.
I’ve experienced that too much to know I don’t want it again.

🖤 hope these reminders can help someone else. Especially during this holiday season.